Today is Mother's Day. A time to celebrate the warm memories and the love & support that you received from your dear mother. For many of us, Mom was the most important person in our life, the one person that loved us unconditionally and believed in us no matter what. She was always there to lend a shoulder to cry on and to prop us up when we didn't feel so great about ourselves. We treasure the fond memories of special moments that we shared throughout our lives. We credit her with giving us the wisdom of her ways and the strength to carry on despite the obstacles.
But what about those of us that had a Mother that did none of the above? For us, our mother was not warm and nurturing. Our Mom was selfish, unloving, vindictive, and down-right mean. We have no special memories of our time togehter. Instead of feeling love, we received criticism and rejection. Her needs always came first, and ours never mattered.
For everyone with these memories, we don't celebrate mother's day. We don't want to do anything special for our mother. We'd rather forget our childhood than relive those days growing up.
So if this is you, don't feel alone. There are many of us that share your experience. Today, you don't want to send flowers or a card with a lovely sentiment. We don't want to call our mother and say "I love you Mom, thank you for everything you ever did for me".
For everyone with Mom that wasn't really a mom, don't feel bad. Sure, you can tell yourself she did the best job she could. That was probably right, but that doesn't mean the damage she inflicted on you was ok. For me, I've accepted what was and I've moved on. I don't blame her. I don't hate her. I would have to have feellings to hate, and those died years ago.
What you can do is take note of how you survived, how you moved on, and how you've done something with your life. Your mother may have not loved you, but it didn't keep you from loving yourself. Give yourself credit for not becoming a victim of your past. I know it's not easy to remember, but your horrible childhood is done. Maybe you have children of your own, and you've been the mother to your own child that your mother never was for you. That is definitely something to feel good about.
So no matter what your situation was or is, if your mom is still alive or you buried her years ago, salute yourself on Mother's Day. You definitely deserve it.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
I'm Glad that's Over!
We're already into April of 2011. A third of the year down and three quarters to go.
I really like to write, but I haven't posted here for a while. I spend most of my time on my other blog which is about autism, so this is a place for me to write about more personal subjects, political topics, or to blow off steam when I'm really bugged about something. I was feeling kinda down when I posted here last December, but I'm in a completely different place now that I have a new job. It's a truly awesome opportunity, almost too good to be true.
I used to run a school for children with autism and special needs, and it started with this same feeling. When I was hired, the founder presented the job as an incredible opportunity. It was a place where I could grow professionally, and my salary would mirror this. She was an expert fundraiser, and there would be chances to get a percentage of this as well. The future was bright, and I was going to be a part of it. And the location was just four blocks from my home. How much more perfect could it be?
When I started in March of 2009, 18 students were enrolled and there were soon to be many more because we were applying with the local school district to become an Non Public School. An NPS is a school vendored by districts to educate students that can't access the curriculum in their school of residence. Once the NPS was approved, our enrollment would dramatically increase. And this was only the beginning. The plan was to use the school as a pilot program, then we'd replicate our cutting-edge idea to cities throughout the US and abroad.
We were the first school in the world to incorporate into its curriculum a parent program that was developed to help children with autism and other developmental disabilities. In the program, parents re-establish the parent-child relationship through shared activities. These positive experiences create new neuropathways in the child's brain, and he learns how to become more flexible and adaptable, stop being cognitively rigid, perceive how others feel, and adapt to change without becoming overwhelmed. By coincidence, I had just enrolled in this same program with my son so I was incorporating it into our own lives. Another sign that my new job as Principal was going to be a life-altering and lifetime commitment.
At first, I loved what I was doing because it (1)combined a paying job with my personal interest in autism , (2) incorporated the parent-based program in which the school was based and I was personally enrolled, (3) gave me an opportunity to work directly with the doctors that founded the parent-based program, and (4) was an opportunity combine all of these interests into a paying gig. The pay was low, and I was making less than any of the four teachers on staff. This was ok, because it was only temporary. Soon, enrollment would grow and I would be compensated. Most of the families and students were great, and I bonded with a few. So going to work each day, waking up at 5AM to arrive by 8, and walking four blocks to work, it was all good.
I soon discovered that the school was anything but paradise.
The founder was very upfront about her own ADHD and that she was on medication. She could be a very charming woman and was very persuasive in selling the idea of the school. At first, there was constant email communication. She was at the campus most of the time though I knew this would lessen as I assumed more responsibility. But I soon learned that she was scattered. We'd make plans to do something and it was very important. Then, it would fade away and it wasn't discussed anymore. We were hiring more staff. I'd place an add on Craig's List, interview a few candidates, then she wouldn't follow up to meet with them herself. I started sending a daily status report which included action items for which I needed answers. I hardly got a response. I was responsible for managing the expenses, but I never received a budget. I soon realized that I had to do the best I could with the information I had. Sometimes I had enough to made decisions, but a lot of the time I didn't so there were always projects left unfinished.
I really liked working with the doctors, and I thought they were partners in the school. Turns out they were actually paid consultants. This is not ok in the non-profit world because it's considered a conflict of interest for board members to make financial gains from the boards on which they serve. I discovered much later that annual amount of each of the doctor's consulting fees was more than my annual salary to run the school. The founder also compensated the doctors with a fully-paid lease on a one-bedroom apartment about a mile from the school which included utilities and cable.
Over the summer, I found out that the Planning Department of the city where we were located would be conducting an inspection of the facility. Prior to the opening of the school the previous August, the founder had purchased the property, did extensive renovations, and added a back stairwell. She also demolished one of the two structures on the lot. Before the project was finished, the original contractor quit without completing the final inspection and obtaining the Certificate of Occupancy from the city, which was his responsibility. I had no experience managing a commercial construction project and had no knowledge of the legal requirements to complete one. I was soon going to learn that in addition to being hired as the school's Principal, I was also hired as the founder's de facto construction project manager.
A C of O is issued upon the completion of a major remodel or the construction of a commercial building. It's issued after all of the building permits are signed off by the inspectors in the city's Building and Safety Department and the final inspection is signed off by the head of the Planning Department. To not get the C of O prior to opening the school could be potentially serious for the administrators and the staff, because the C of O is the city's way of saying that we had complied with all the safety issues and building requirements. Without it, anyone associated with the school could be held liable should anyone get hurt while on the premises. The founder had friends in high places at a big entertainment company that had clout with the city, so the school was given an exemption to open without the obtaining the C of O.
A meeting was scheduled with the founder, the project architect and representatives of the city's Planning, Building and Safety, Fire, and the Parks Departments (they oversaw the landscaping plans). It turned out that the contractor left a lot of unfinished projects. There were open issues for the electrical and plumbing permits. The landscaping was missing a operational irrigation system, and the contractor didn't install an in-ground planter facing the alley in the back of the building. Handrails were missing on all of the exterior stairwells. The Fire Department was requiring the installation of several safety features, and a few things that were done were out of compliance. There was a lot more, so I made detailed notes during the meeting. My job was to transcribe this list then go over it with the head of the Planning Department to prioritize what needed to be done and to finalize the timeline for completion. He and I got along very well, and within a couple weeks, we had a plan with a final deadline by the last day of June 2010. I eventually got to know all of the heads of the various divisions of the city's Building and Safety Department and developed a friendly relationship with each of them. I think they felt kind of sorry for me because they realized that working with the founder wasn't easy.
I had ten months to complete all the projects, but I didn't think this would be a problem. Boy, I was wrong. When I asked the founder for approval to hire the workman and order the supplies, sometimes she'd say yes but most of the time she would just ignore the email and I never got an answer. She actually kept adding new projects. Wallpaper this room, install a door in that room, have a wall of mirror installed the other room. One day I received a call about an estimate for an $9,000 rolling metal gate to close off the parking lot. It was being done without getting approval from the city, and I knew it would never pass inspection. I was right - the city eventually ordered us to have it removed. I continued to email my daily report to the founder so I could keep track of everything as well as keep her in the loop. It was ignored more times than it was answered. I soon learned to just go with it and not worry when stuff didn't get done. Not really the way I like to work, but she was the boss.
She was also in the middle of her own personal construction project, the building of a lavish 12,000 square foot home. A lot of her personal items were stored at the school, and sometimes with no advance notification, furniture, artwork, or anything else that she had purchased or gotten donated would be delivered or removed, sometimes when the school was in session and parents or professionals were visiting. Some of the school's bathrooms were equipped with expensive faucets and toilets, but these were really intended for her personal residence. When it was time to have them installed in her new home, it was my job hire a workman to have the plumbing fixtures removed, packed, and delivered to the construction site. Then I had to purchase cheaper fixtures and hire a workman to re-install those back into the school's bathrooms. This was definitely more of a personal assistant's job than it was for a Principal, but I had learned that sometimes there was no line of separation between her personal life and the professional running of the school, so I just took care of it. Once, she and I had a miscommunication about the location of a bathroom faucet. She thought I'd lost it, then she berated and yelled at me over the phone for over a half hour. Turns out she never asked to have it removed, and it was still installed in an upstairs bathroom. The founder had never before verbally abused me like this, but I was already starting to have my doubts about my future with the school. She later apologized, but I wasn't convinced. I was seriously thinking that it was time to look for a new job.
The doctors finally left soon after the start of 2010. I got a call one day from their company's accounting department because neither had been paid their consulting fees for almost a year. The founder said she settled the dispute by paying them a large monetary settlement. This really annoyed me because I was still waiting for the raise that was promised to me over a year ago.
Enrollment steadily declined. Some families voluntarily left, others didn't pay their tuition and were asked to leave. Two students that should have never been accepted because their behavioral issues were outside of the scope of our capabilities, one family left on their own and the other was asked to go. These parents were a bit of a pain so their departure was a relief, but I can't blame them for their attitude. The founder was really the cause of their frustration. I enrolled my own son for the 2009 school year. Overall, it was a mediocre experience, definitely not great but it wasn't harmful either. The only student close to his age left a couple months into the semester, and the rest of the students were a lot younger than him. I made him stick it out until the end of year, and it was good for us to spend a lot of time together. I think it helped to strengthen our relationship, and I know we got a lot more out of the parent program on which the school was based.
Any enthusiasm I still had for my job died in summer of 2010 when I was working on the project to finalize the plumbing permit.
According the architectural plans approved by the city, we needed to install an interior and an exterior drinking fountain. A licensed plumbing contractor would know which ones could be installed and how to properly install them, but I'm not a licensed contractor. Luckily, the city's plumbing inspector liked me so he gave me all the information I needed to get the project completed. First, the fountains had to be ADA compliant. Second, because the city didn't have their own list of approved interior fountains, he would accept the make and model of any fountain that was approved by the Building Department of our larger, neighboring city. Third, he'd accept any exterior fountain that was also approved by city's Parks Department.
I conducted my own online research into commercial, ADA-compliant drinking fountains and learned this meant it must have two faucets with staggered heights with enough space underneath to accommodate a wheelchair. After numerous calls and emails, I finally got the list of approved interior fountains from our neighboring city. I contacted the friendly head of the Parks Department, and he emailed the contact information for two companies that sold exterior fountains that he had used for previous city projects. I checked with the plumber to be sure there would be no issues in installing both fountains, and I confirmed with the suppliers that they could deliver the correct fountains in time to meet our July 30th deadline which was now only three weeks away. This was a month past the original deadline set last summer with the head of the Planning Department. He was nice enough to grant a 30-day extension when I knew I couldn't get the project completed on time, when, you guessed it, the founder waited until the last minute to give her approval to order the fountains.
After hours and hours of researching, calling and emailing, I finally had identified the two least-expensive fountains that met all the requirements that could be ordered and installed in time to meet our deadline. I sent the founder a detailed email that outlined exactly why we needed to order these fountains from these suppliers and a breakdown of the cost for materials and equipment. Her response: the expense was too high so she'd find someone to donate the fountains.
After I read her email, I almost called her to tell her I quit, but instead, I called a good friend to vent. (Thanks goodness for good friends!) It took hours and hours to finalize all the details, and now I couldn't get her approval to finish. Not only were we blowing the city's deadline, but unless she was able to get a donation of the exact same make and model for the interior fountain and from one of the same vendors for the exterior fountain, the city probably wouldn't issue the plumbing permit. Out of the blue a couple months later, I received an email giving me approval to order the fountains that I had originally recommended. It was three months past the original deadline set last summer with the head of the city's Planning Department, but I was finally able to get the fountains installed and the inspector to sign off on the permit.
The situation got worse. She vacated her rental house right before the end of the school year and moved her furniture and a lot of her belongings into the classrooms. The school was beautifully decorated, but now it looked like a storage facility or a badly merchandised thrift store. Her three big dogs also moved in, and, to take care of them, the guy that did gardening and janitorial moved in too. I'm an animal lover, so, at first, it was kind of fun, but it soon became an annoyance, especially when the youngest lab chewed up my favorite pair of flip flops. They were allowed to run loose in the school and the yard. They pooped and peed everywhere, and the stink got really bad. Some of the neighbors weren't too happy either, because they complained about the excessive barking. I'm not sure why the dogs weren't moved, but I'm guessing the founder probably pulled some strings with the city just like she did with the C of O. Luckily, the teachers were working off-site for the summer and there were no students due to the cancellation of summer school, so the gardener/janitor and I were the only people at the school each day. We commented many times about our frustrations on how the school was being run.
The founder originally told me that the plan was to move her dogs and stuff out of the building before students returned in the September, but her house still wasn't ready by the first day of school. Most of her belongings were moved, but because she was living in a hotel, her dogs couldn't stay with her. Her solution: let the gardener/janitor and dogs continue to live on the second floor after school resumed. I learned about her change in plans during a conversation with one of the teachers, not directly from her, which in retrospect was probably a good thing. I know my reaction would not have been positive or supportive, and it would have been difficult to hold back my negative feelings during a face-to-face conversation. I did feel really bad for the dogs. They were stuck in an upstairs classroom, locked inside almost all day with very little human contact, and the smell was awful. Only the teachers used second floor, so at least the students and parents were away from the dogs. But when they barked, everyone in the building could hear. I know some of the parents were annoyed but they were afraid of saying anything that would make the founder angry and give her a reason to have their child kicked out of the school. Little did they know about the sorry state of the school's finances, and the founder needed them more than they needed her.
By August, I decided to leave. My original plan was to take a class or two at the local community college, reapply for Jacob's SSI and find a part-time job. The job market was still pretty sucky, and I wasn't having much luck in finding new employment. When I gave notice, I was surprised that the founder offered to let me stay part-time and work any hours I wanted. I figured I could handle 20 hours a week and not be too miserable.
I finally left last January when I was offered my new job. A for sale sign appeared on the front of the building a couple of weeks ago, so the founder is getting out too. The week before I left, the dogs had moved into the founder's new home, but, as of my last day, there were projects left unfinished from the original list compiled almost two years ago with the city building inspectors, the final inspection hadn't been completed, the C of O still needed to be issued, and the NPS application had yet to be approved by the school district.
Am I sorry that I spent a couple years of my life at the school? Not really. I actually learned a lot. The founder facilitated a weekly parent meeting where we discussed issues about our children, and these were a great help in getting more out of the parent-based program in which my son and I are still enrolled and continue to benefit. I still really like this program, and I recommend it often to other parents. I met some great families, a couple of which I'm still in contact. I liked the staff, but, except for one teacher that I had to lay off (due to the shrinking school finances, not her job performance), I haven't talked to any of them since I left. The experience of running a school, however difficult the founder made things, really was an asset when I interviewed for my new job. All in all, it was a more of a positive than frustrating experience.
I'm disappointed that something that I was so excited about didn't work out, but I'm on to a bigger and better experience with my new company. I completely believe in our mission, and the pay is decent. So far, the founder, executive director and the staff at the other programs have been wonderful and they've said all the right things. Because of my experience at the school, I'm being ultra focused to notice anything that seems amiss, but so far so good.
I can't change the past, but I did learn from it. And really, isn't that only thing we can do about any of our life experiences, good or bad?
I really like to write, but I haven't posted here for a while. I spend most of my time on my other blog which is about autism, so this is a place for me to write about more personal subjects, political topics, or to blow off steam when I'm really bugged about something. I was feeling kinda down when I posted here last December, but I'm in a completely different place now that I have a new job. It's a truly awesome opportunity, almost too good to be true.
I used to run a school for children with autism and special needs, and it started with this same feeling. When I was hired, the founder presented the job as an incredible opportunity. It was a place where I could grow professionally, and my salary would mirror this. She was an expert fundraiser, and there would be chances to get a percentage of this as well. The future was bright, and I was going to be a part of it. And the location was just four blocks from my home. How much more perfect could it be?
When I started in March of 2009, 18 students were enrolled and there were soon to be many more because we were applying with the local school district to become an Non Public School. An NPS is a school vendored by districts to educate students that can't access the curriculum in their school of residence. Once the NPS was approved, our enrollment would dramatically increase. And this was only the beginning. The plan was to use the school as a pilot program, then we'd replicate our cutting-edge idea to cities throughout the US and abroad.
We were the first school in the world to incorporate into its curriculum a parent program that was developed to help children with autism and other developmental disabilities. In the program, parents re-establish the parent-child relationship through shared activities. These positive experiences create new neuropathways in the child's brain, and he learns how to become more flexible and adaptable, stop being cognitively rigid, perceive how others feel, and adapt to change without becoming overwhelmed. By coincidence, I had just enrolled in this same program with my son so I was incorporating it into our own lives. Another sign that my new job as Principal was going to be a life-altering and lifetime commitment.
At first, I loved what I was doing because it (1)combined a paying job with my personal interest in autism , (2) incorporated the parent-based program in which the school was based and I was personally enrolled, (3) gave me an opportunity to work directly with the doctors that founded the parent-based program, and (4) was an opportunity combine all of these interests into a paying gig. The pay was low, and I was making less than any of the four teachers on staff. This was ok, because it was only temporary. Soon, enrollment would grow and I would be compensated. Most of the families and students were great, and I bonded with a few. So going to work each day, waking up at 5AM to arrive by 8, and walking four blocks to work, it was all good.
I soon discovered that the school was anything but paradise.
The founder was very upfront about her own ADHD and that she was on medication. She could be a very charming woman and was very persuasive in selling the idea of the school. At first, there was constant email communication. She was at the campus most of the time though I knew this would lessen as I assumed more responsibility. But I soon learned that she was scattered. We'd make plans to do something and it was very important. Then, it would fade away and it wasn't discussed anymore. We were hiring more staff. I'd place an add on Craig's List, interview a few candidates, then she wouldn't follow up to meet with them herself. I started sending a daily status report which included action items for which I needed answers. I hardly got a response. I was responsible for managing the expenses, but I never received a budget. I soon realized that I had to do the best I could with the information I had. Sometimes I had enough to made decisions, but a lot of the time I didn't so there were always projects left unfinished.
I really liked working with the doctors, and I thought they were partners in the school. Turns out they were actually paid consultants. This is not ok in the non-profit world because it's considered a conflict of interest for board members to make financial gains from the boards on which they serve. I discovered much later that annual amount of each of the doctor's consulting fees was more than my annual salary to run the school. The founder also compensated the doctors with a fully-paid lease on a one-bedroom apartment about a mile from the school which included utilities and cable.
Over the summer, I found out that the Planning Department of the city where we were located would be conducting an inspection of the facility. Prior to the opening of the school the previous August, the founder had purchased the property, did extensive renovations, and added a back stairwell. She also demolished one of the two structures on the lot. Before the project was finished, the original contractor quit without completing the final inspection and obtaining the Certificate of Occupancy from the city, which was his responsibility. I had no experience managing a commercial construction project and had no knowledge of the legal requirements to complete one. I was soon going to learn that in addition to being hired as the school's Principal, I was also hired as the founder's de facto construction project manager.
A C of O is issued upon the completion of a major remodel or the construction of a commercial building. It's issued after all of the building permits are signed off by the inspectors in the city's Building and Safety Department and the final inspection is signed off by the head of the Planning Department. To not get the C of O prior to opening the school could be potentially serious for the administrators and the staff, because the C of O is the city's way of saying that we had complied with all the safety issues and building requirements. Without it, anyone associated with the school could be held liable should anyone get hurt while on the premises. The founder had friends in high places at a big entertainment company that had clout with the city, so the school was given an exemption to open without the obtaining the C of O.
A meeting was scheduled with the founder, the project architect and representatives of the city's Planning, Building and Safety, Fire, and the Parks Departments (they oversaw the landscaping plans). It turned out that the contractor left a lot of unfinished projects. There were open issues for the electrical and plumbing permits. The landscaping was missing a operational irrigation system, and the contractor didn't install an in-ground planter facing the alley in the back of the building. Handrails were missing on all of the exterior stairwells. The Fire Department was requiring the installation of several safety features, and a few things that were done were out of compliance. There was a lot more, so I made detailed notes during the meeting. My job was to transcribe this list then go over it with the head of the Planning Department to prioritize what needed to be done and to finalize the timeline for completion. He and I got along very well, and within a couple weeks, we had a plan with a final deadline by the last day of June 2010. I eventually got to know all of the heads of the various divisions of the city's Building and Safety Department and developed a friendly relationship with each of them. I think they felt kind of sorry for me because they realized that working with the founder wasn't easy.
I had ten months to complete all the projects, but I didn't think this would be a problem. Boy, I was wrong. When I asked the founder for approval to hire the workman and order the supplies, sometimes she'd say yes but most of the time she would just ignore the email and I never got an answer. She actually kept adding new projects. Wallpaper this room, install a door in that room, have a wall of mirror installed the other room. One day I received a call about an estimate for an $9,000 rolling metal gate to close off the parking lot. It was being done without getting approval from the city, and I knew it would never pass inspection. I was right - the city eventually ordered us to have it removed. I continued to email my daily report to the founder so I could keep track of everything as well as keep her in the loop. It was ignored more times than it was answered. I soon learned to just go with it and not worry when stuff didn't get done. Not really the way I like to work, but she was the boss.
She was also in the middle of her own personal construction project, the building of a lavish 12,000 square foot home. A lot of her personal items were stored at the school, and sometimes with no advance notification, furniture, artwork, or anything else that she had purchased or gotten donated would be delivered or removed, sometimes when the school was in session and parents or professionals were visiting. Some of the school's bathrooms were equipped with expensive faucets and toilets, but these were really intended for her personal residence. When it was time to have them installed in her new home, it was my job hire a workman to have the plumbing fixtures removed, packed, and delivered to the construction site. Then I had to purchase cheaper fixtures and hire a workman to re-install those back into the school's bathrooms. This was definitely more of a personal assistant's job than it was for a Principal, but I had learned that sometimes there was no line of separation between her personal life and the professional running of the school, so I just took care of it. Once, she and I had a miscommunication about the location of a bathroom faucet. She thought I'd lost it, then she berated and yelled at me over the phone for over a half hour. Turns out she never asked to have it removed, and it was still installed in an upstairs bathroom. The founder had never before verbally abused me like this, but I was already starting to have my doubts about my future with the school. She later apologized, but I wasn't convinced. I was seriously thinking that it was time to look for a new job.
The doctors finally left soon after the start of 2010. I got a call one day from their company's accounting department because neither had been paid their consulting fees for almost a year. The founder said she settled the dispute by paying them a large monetary settlement. This really annoyed me because I was still waiting for the raise that was promised to me over a year ago.
Enrollment steadily declined. Some families voluntarily left, others didn't pay their tuition and were asked to leave. Two students that should have never been accepted because their behavioral issues were outside of the scope of our capabilities, one family left on their own and the other was asked to go. These parents were a bit of a pain so their departure was a relief, but I can't blame them for their attitude. The founder was really the cause of their frustration. I enrolled my own son for the 2009 school year. Overall, it was a mediocre experience, definitely not great but it wasn't harmful either. The only student close to his age left a couple months into the semester, and the rest of the students were a lot younger than him. I made him stick it out until the end of year, and it was good for us to spend a lot of time together. I think it helped to strengthen our relationship, and I know we got a lot more out of the parent program on which the school was based.
Any enthusiasm I still had for my job died in summer of 2010 when I was working on the project to finalize the plumbing permit.
According the architectural plans approved by the city, we needed to install an interior and an exterior drinking fountain. A licensed plumbing contractor would know which ones could be installed and how to properly install them, but I'm not a licensed contractor. Luckily, the city's plumbing inspector liked me so he gave me all the information I needed to get the project completed. First, the fountains had to be ADA compliant. Second, because the city didn't have their own list of approved interior fountains, he would accept the make and model of any fountain that was approved by the Building Department of our larger, neighboring city. Third, he'd accept any exterior fountain that was also approved by city's Parks Department.
I conducted my own online research into commercial, ADA-compliant drinking fountains and learned this meant it must have two faucets with staggered heights with enough space underneath to accommodate a wheelchair. After numerous calls and emails, I finally got the list of approved interior fountains from our neighboring city. I contacted the friendly head of the Parks Department, and he emailed the contact information for two companies that sold exterior fountains that he had used for previous city projects. I checked with the plumber to be sure there would be no issues in installing both fountains, and I confirmed with the suppliers that they could deliver the correct fountains in time to meet our July 30th deadline which was now only three weeks away. This was a month past the original deadline set last summer with the head of the Planning Department. He was nice enough to grant a 30-day extension when I knew I couldn't get the project completed on time, when, you guessed it, the founder waited until the last minute to give her approval to order the fountains.
After hours and hours of researching, calling and emailing, I finally had identified the two least-expensive fountains that met all the requirements that could be ordered and installed in time to meet our deadline. I sent the founder a detailed email that outlined exactly why we needed to order these fountains from these suppliers and a breakdown of the cost for materials and equipment. Her response: the expense was too high so she'd find someone to donate the fountains.
After I read her email, I almost called her to tell her I quit, but instead, I called a good friend to vent. (Thanks goodness for good friends!) It took hours and hours to finalize all the details, and now I couldn't get her approval to finish. Not only were we blowing the city's deadline, but unless she was able to get a donation of the exact same make and model for the interior fountain and from one of the same vendors for the exterior fountain, the city probably wouldn't issue the plumbing permit. Out of the blue a couple months later, I received an email giving me approval to order the fountains that I had originally recommended. It was three months past the original deadline set last summer with the head of the city's Planning Department, but I was finally able to get the fountains installed and the inspector to sign off on the permit.
The situation got worse. She vacated her rental house right before the end of the school year and moved her furniture and a lot of her belongings into the classrooms. The school was beautifully decorated, but now it looked like a storage facility or a badly merchandised thrift store. Her three big dogs also moved in, and, to take care of them, the guy that did gardening and janitorial moved in too. I'm an animal lover, so, at first, it was kind of fun, but it soon became an annoyance, especially when the youngest lab chewed up my favorite pair of flip flops. They were allowed to run loose in the school and the yard. They pooped and peed everywhere, and the stink got really bad. Some of the neighbors weren't too happy either, because they complained about the excessive barking. I'm not sure why the dogs weren't moved, but I'm guessing the founder probably pulled some strings with the city just like she did with the C of O. Luckily, the teachers were working off-site for the summer and there were no students due to the cancellation of summer school, so the gardener/janitor and I were the only people at the school each day. We commented many times about our frustrations on how the school was being run.
The founder originally told me that the plan was to move her dogs and stuff out of the building before students returned in the September, but her house still wasn't ready by the first day of school. Most of her belongings were moved, but because she was living in a hotel, her dogs couldn't stay with her. Her solution: let the gardener/janitor and dogs continue to live on the second floor after school resumed. I learned about her change in plans during a conversation with one of the teachers, not directly from her, which in retrospect was probably a good thing. I know my reaction would not have been positive or supportive, and it would have been difficult to hold back my negative feelings during a face-to-face conversation. I did feel really bad for the dogs. They were stuck in an upstairs classroom, locked inside almost all day with very little human contact, and the smell was awful. Only the teachers used second floor, so at least the students and parents were away from the dogs. But when they barked, everyone in the building could hear. I know some of the parents were annoyed but they were afraid of saying anything that would make the founder angry and give her a reason to have their child kicked out of the school. Little did they know about the sorry state of the school's finances, and the founder needed them more than they needed her.
By August, I decided to leave. My original plan was to take a class or two at the local community college, reapply for Jacob's SSI and find a part-time job. The job market was still pretty sucky, and I wasn't having much luck in finding new employment. When I gave notice, I was surprised that the founder offered to let me stay part-time and work any hours I wanted. I figured I could handle 20 hours a week and not be too miserable.
I finally left last January when I was offered my new job. A for sale sign appeared on the front of the building a couple of weeks ago, so the founder is getting out too. The week before I left, the dogs had moved into the founder's new home, but, as of my last day, there were projects left unfinished from the original list compiled almost two years ago with the city building inspectors, the final inspection hadn't been completed, the C of O still needed to be issued, and the NPS application had yet to be approved by the school district.
Am I sorry that I spent a couple years of my life at the school? Not really. I actually learned a lot. The founder facilitated a weekly parent meeting where we discussed issues about our children, and these were a great help in getting more out of the parent-based program in which my son and I are still enrolled and continue to benefit. I still really like this program, and I recommend it often to other parents. I met some great families, a couple of which I'm still in contact. I liked the staff, but, except for one teacher that I had to lay off (due to the shrinking school finances, not her job performance), I haven't talked to any of them since I left. The experience of running a school, however difficult the founder made things, really was an asset when I interviewed for my new job. All in all, it was a more of a positive than frustrating experience.
I'm disappointed that something that I was so excited about didn't work out, but I'm on to a bigger and better experience with my new company. I completely believe in our mission, and the pay is decent. So far, the founder, executive director and the staff at the other programs have been wonderful and they've said all the right things. Because of my experience at the school, I'm being ultra focused to notice anything that seems amiss, but so far so good.
I can't change the past, but I did learn from it. And really, isn't that only thing we can do about any of our life experiences, good or bad?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Bah Hum Bug
I do not have holiday cheer this year.
Perhaps it's due to money being tight. Maybe it's the result of the House going Republican. Could be that I'm too old to get excited about the Holidays. It's probably a little of all of these. But, no matter, time marches on and it will soon be the start of 2011. I can hardly wait (said with a heavy dose of sarcasm).
Not that my life is so horrible. It's not. Sure, I'm working less and so is my income. But that's temporary. I'll soon be working more and making as much as I was when I was working full time. So that's good.
My son is doing well. He's getting good grades and he's starting to show more curiousity about things. He just got a part time job at Petco, so he's getting out more. He's asking questions about me. All good stuff. But I still worry about what's going to happen to him after high school. Young adults with autism have a really tough time keeping jobs, going to college, and living on their own. He'll be done with high school in a couple years, so this is concern is very real and not too far away.
So all in all, things are good. But I don't want to buy a tree. I have no energy to put lights on the house. I'm not making toffee and carmel corn to give away as gifts. Pretty much, I want the holidays to pass. It's mid-way through December, so I get that wish in just a couple weeks.
No, I think it's age. I'm 51 and I'm not at the point in my life where I'm looking towards retirement. It's just the opposite. I'm not looking towards the end of a career. I'm trying to figure out what can do to support my family. It certainly wasn't this way for my mother or Jake's Grandmother. Neither had to work after they had kids. I was raised in the typical family of the 1960s when Dad was the primary breadwinner and supporting a family on one income was the norm. College was affordable. Health care costs weren't eating away a huge chunk of the monthly income. This certainly hasn't been a reality for my generation. I've been working since I was 16, pretty much non-stop for the last 35 years. I was lucky that I was able to run a business from home when Jake was born, and that lasted about five years. Thank goodness, I'm not doing the 40 hour per week, 9 to 6 routine. Last time I did , I lasted about a year before I was miserable. So I'm lucky that I'm not just working just for the paycheck. If there's one thing I've learned by being in the work force for so many years is that job has to be meaningful or I end up hating it. Life really sucks when you absolutely do not want to go to work but you have to because you need the money.
So, here I am. I haven't done any Christmas shopping. I haven't made gifts. I'm just here. Waiting for the holidays to pass.
Perhaps it's due to money being tight. Maybe it's the result of the House going Republican. Could be that I'm too old to get excited about the Holidays. It's probably a little of all of these. But, no matter, time marches on and it will soon be the start of 2011. I can hardly wait (said with a heavy dose of sarcasm).
Not that my life is so horrible. It's not. Sure, I'm working less and so is my income. But that's temporary. I'll soon be working more and making as much as I was when I was working full time. So that's good.
My son is doing well. He's getting good grades and he's starting to show more curiousity about things. He just got a part time job at Petco, so he's getting out more. He's asking questions about me. All good stuff. But I still worry about what's going to happen to him after high school. Young adults with autism have a really tough time keeping jobs, going to college, and living on their own. He'll be done with high school in a couple years, so this is concern is very real and not too far away.
So all in all, things are good. But I don't want to buy a tree. I have no energy to put lights on the house. I'm not making toffee and carmel corn to give away as gifts. Pretty much, I want the holidays to pass. It's mid-way through December, so I get that wish in just a couple weeks.
No, I think it's age. I'm 51 and I'm not at the point in my life where I'm looking towards retirement. It's just the opposite. I'm not looking towards the end of a career. I'm trying to figure out what can do to support my family. It certainly wasn't this way for my mother or Jake's Grandmother. Neither had to work after they had kids. I was raised in the typical family of the 1960s when Dad was the primary breadwinner and supporting a family on one income was the norm. College was affordable. Health care costs weren't eating away a huge chunk of the monthly income. This certainly hasn't been a reality for my generation. I've been working since I was 16, pretty much non-stop for the last 35 years. I was lucky that I was able to run a business from home when Jake was born, and that lasted about five years. Thank goodness, I'm not doing the 40 hour per week, 9 to 6 routine. Last time I did , I lasted about a year before I was miserable. So I'm lucky that I'm not just working just for the paycheck. If there's one thing I've learned by being in the work force for so many years is that job has to be meaningful or I end up hating it. Life really sucks when you absolutely do not want to go to work but you have to because you need the money.
So, here I am. I haven't done any Christmas shopping. I haven't made gifts. I'm just here. Waiting for the holidays to pass.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Tomorrow is Election Day
It seems like it took years for November 2 to arrive. So many months of negative political ads and dire predictions of a Republican takeover of the House. I've marked my sample ballot and I'm ready to cast my vote.
There has been so much talk about how this election is a referendum on President Obama's job performance, how the electorate is tired of nothing getting done or how they hate everything that's been accomplished. I for one am really, really tired of it all.
Let's look at Obama's peformance. Unemployment over 9%. The economy growing at a slow pace. Housing foreclosures continuing to rise. None of this is good stuff, but this is a result of eight years of a Republican president and his administration's agenda. Expecting all to be right in two years after it took eight years to get here is unrealistic.
As far as nothing getting done and what's been accomplished, here's a short list:
1) Health Insurance Reform so more people can get basic health care. This is something that has been attempted for the last 60 years. Obama did it within 2 years of being elected.
2) Financial Reform so consumers can be protected from getting ripped off by the financial industry. Republicans want to repeal this as soon as possible.
3) Saving our economy from tanking and taking down the rest of world in the process. No one wanted to bail out the banks, but this situation was inherited from, you guessed it, the Bush Administration.
These are just the ones I can quickly remember, but all of these are significant.
So, we await to see what happens tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, we'll be pleasantly surprised that the enough people will have realized that voting Republican is the wrong thing to do.
There has been so much talk about how this election is a referendum on President Obama's job performance, how the electorate is tired of nothing getting done or how they hate everything that's been accomplished. I for one am really, really tired of it all.
Let's look at Obama's peformance. Unemployment over 9%. The economy growing at a slow pace. Housing foreclosures continuing to rise. None of this is good stuff, but this is a result of eight years of a Republican president and his administration's agenda. Expecting all to be right in two years after it took eight years to get here is unrealistic.
As far as nothing getting done and what's been accomplished, here's a short list:
1) Health Insurance Reform so more people can get basic health care. This is something that has been attempted for the last 60 years. Obama did it within 2 years of being elected.
2) Financial Reform so consumers can be protected from getting ripped off by the financial industry. Republicans want to repeal this as soon as possible.
3) Saving our economy from tanking and taking down the rest of world in the process. No one wanted to bail out the banks, but this situation was inherited from, you guessed it, the Bush Administration.
These are just the ones I can quickly remember, but all of these are significant.
So, we await to see what happens tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, we'll be pleasantly surprised that the enough people will have realized that voting Republican is the wrong thing to do.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Life in Lovely Los Angeles
It's another beauiful day in Los Angeles. Clear and sunny skies, temps in the mid 70s. It's really nice to live so close to the beach where the air is clean, a blessing to have such gorgeous weather all year round. But, the land of Los Angeles has been a struggle for a while, and sometimes I think about leaving. Why would I, living only 4 blocks from her work and just 5 miles from the ocean, ever what to move? Because it costs a bloody fortune, that's why.
Don't get me wrong. I do not have an extravagent lifestyle. I live in a modest 3 bedroom house with a yard and a garage converted to a cozy studio. It's not a palace, but it's nice & I've done my best to make it look good. Big enough for all my stuff but small enough to use one plug to vacuum the entire house. A bigger place means more to clean. This is just enough for me.
Yes, I like it alright, but still costs a bunch to keep it up. Combined Doug and I make enough money to cover our expenes, so we get by. We pay the rent and the utilities. We gas up our cars. We splurge on cable. Our house is an ok size. I've lived in tinier places, and I love that I have my office in our spare bedroom. I really like it and I don't want to move.
But, to cover the cost of my share of everything, I have to work, and I'm tired of it. My last several employment gigs haven't worked out as planned, and I'm now only working part time. I've had to cut all of my expenses to the bone, but that's not a big deal. I wasn't making that much when I was full-time and Doug's income makes it possible to not have to move. I can give up Starbucks, no prob. Shouldn't buy their over priced coffee anyway. I can skip going to the movies, even the $5 matinee theatre down the street. We have an amazing TV and all of the movies will eventually be on cable, the one extravagance that we do indulge at least until our contract expires next March. Plus the theatre's projection quality is pretty crappy - our TV and the surround sound stereo actually looks and sounds better. I'm not shopping at Target or Big Lots. I'm not even browsing Craig's List or Ebay or Amazon. I have enough stuff so I don't need to buy anything, but I miss shopping for bargains. It's fun and sort of a hobby.
But the big question regarding moving would be where would I go and what would I do when I got there. I have no answers. And, taking out the financial hardship aside, I kind of like LA. As mentioned, the weather is nice, there's lots to do (though entertainment and cultural dollars don't exit in my budget at the moment), and I have friends that I'd miss if I left. So really, I actually don't want to quit LA. I want to quit work and stay in LA. But how?
That is the question I am pondering. And hopefully I'll figure it out soon.
Don't get me wrong. I do not have an extravagent lifestyle. I live in a modest 3 bedroom house with a yard and a garage converted to a cozy studio. It's not a palace, but it's nice & I've done my best to make it look good. Big enough for all my stuff but small enough to use one plug to vacuum the entire house. A bigger place means more to clean. This is just enough for me.
Yes, I like it alright, but still costs a bunch to keep it up. Combined Doug and I make enough money to cover our expenes, so we get by. We pay the rent and the utilities. We gas up our cars. We splurge on cable. Our house is an ok size. I've lived in tinier places, and I love that I have my office in our spare bedroom. I really like it and I don't want to move.
But, to cover the cost of my share of everything, I have to work, and I'm tired of it. My last several employment gigs haven't worked out as planned, and I'm now only working part time. I've had to cut all of my expenses to the bone, but that's not a big deal. I wasn't making that much when I was full-time and Doug's income makes it possible to not have to move. I can give up Starbucks, no prob. Shouldn't buy their over priced coffee anyway. I can skip going to the movies, even the $5 matinee theatre down the street. We have an amazing TV and all of the movies will eventually be on cable, the one extravagance that we do indulge at least until our contract expires next March. Plus the theatre's projection quality is pretty crappy - our TV and the surround sound stereo actually looks and sounds better. I'm not shopping at Target or Big Lots. I'm not even browsing Craig's List or Ebay or Amazon. I have enough stuff so I don't need to buy anything, but I miss shopping for bargains. It's fun and sort of a hobby.
But the big question regarding moving would be where would I go and what would I do when I got there. I have no answers. And, taking out the financial hardship aside, I kind of like LA. As mentioned, the weather is nice, there's lots to do (though entertainment and cultural dollars don't exit in my budget at the moment), and I have friends that I'd miss if I left. So really, I actually don't want to quit LA. I want to quit work and stay in LA. But how?
That is the question I am pondering. And hopefully I'll figure it out soon.
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